HOW AN UNSCRUPULOUS IRISH MOTHER CAN PREVENT A FATHER HAVING ANY CONTACT WITH HER INFANT CHILD

If you are an unscrupulous Irish mother or for that matter an unscrupulous mother living anywhere in the western world, this is your lucky day! 

I have an absolutely fail-safe way of ensuring that the man you recently separated from never gets to see his children. It works every time. Take out your pens and pencils ladies – this is what you do:

First of all you have to take these steps before your child can talk properly, although that is not absolutely crucial. It does however help that the infant is so young that he or she cannot talk because if they can, they might tell the truth and then you could be in deep trouble.

The first thing you have to do is not change your child’s nappy properly for a few days. Undoubtedly a rash will develop. You then bring the child to your GP and you tell your GP that every time the child comes back from an access visit, he/she is upset and crying and always seems to be sore and irritated in the groin region. Then make a comment about how your ex used to watch pornography on his computer. You don’t actually have to go that far because in the current culture, the GP will almost certainly refer the matter on to the local health authority – in Ireland the Health Service Executive. 

The HSE will then appoint a social worker and because of government cuts and general under funding, nobody will be able to look into these allegations for several months. In the meantime you can just tell the father that the GP has worries and access has to come to an end. If the father takes the matter to court, a judge will say that he cannot take any risks and he has to await the outcome of a formal investigation. In Ireland, this investigation can easily take six months and more. Now ladies – will that work or won’t it? If you are happy with this advice and you want to make a financial donation to a worthy cause, make the payment to any separated man’s organisation. They will know what I am talking about. 

Finally, I am a lawyer, so here is my disclaimer. I know most women are absolutely fine and they wouldn't dream of making such allegations and I know war and pestilence are bad things but unfortunately they happen. And I know men can be wife beaters and child abusers. I know all that. I am just making one small point.

Kevin Brophy

Brophy Solicitors