HOW AN UNSCRUPULOUS IRISH MOTHER CAN PREVENT A FATHER HAVING ANY CONTACT WITH HER INFANT CHILD

If you are an unscrupulous Irish mother or for that matter an unscrupulous mother living anywhere in the western world, this is your lucky day! 

I have an absolutely fail-safe way of ensuring that the man you recently separated from never gets to see his children. It works every time. Take out your pens and pencils ladies – this is what you do:

First of all you have to take these steps before your child can talk properly, although that is not absolutely crucial. It does however help that the infant is so young that he or she cannot talk because if they can, they might tell the truth and then you could be in deep trouble.

The first thing you have to do is not change your child’s nappy properly for a few days. Undoubtedly a rash will develop. You then bring the child to your GP and you tell your GP that every time the child comes back from an access visit, he/she is upset and crying and always seems to be sore and irritated in the groin region. Then make a comment about how your ex used to watch pornography on his computer. You don’t actually have to go that far because in the current culture, the GP will almost certainly refer the matter on to the local health authority – in Ireland the Health Service Executive. 

The HSE will then appoint a social worker and because of government cuts and general under funding, nobody will be able to look into these allegations for several months. In the meantime you can just tell the father that the GP has worries and access has to come to an end. If the father takes the matter to court, a judge will say that he cannot take any risks and he has to await the outcome of a formal investigation. In Ireland, this investigation can easily take six months and more. Now ladies – will that work or won’t it? If you are happy with this advice and you want to make a financial donation to a worthy cause, make the payment to any separated man’s organisation. They will know what I am talking about. 

Finally, I am a lawyer, so here is my disclaimer. I know most women are absolutely fine and they wouldn't dream of making such allegations and I know war and pestilence are bad things but unfortunately they happen. And I know men can be wife beaters and child abusers. I know all that. I am just making one small point.

Kevin Brophy

Brophy Solicitors

Would this happen if he was a woman?

Before you read this, please note that I am a married man, I have two daughters and I have nine employees all of whom are women. I know this sounds like I am going to go on to say something along the lines of ‘I am not a racist but...’

Having said all that... a situation arose in the last few days that absolutely made my blood boil. A man instructed us that he has been married to his wife for many years and they have two very young children. He is running a very successful, very stressful business. His wife has a serious addiction problem and my client described in very emotional terms how he has come home to find his wife almost comatose and his infant children crawling around the house crying and unattended. She is not working but was not happy to do the house work and a housekeeper has been employed.

I have advised him that he should make an immediate application for sole custody of the children and that he would be justified in seeking a judicial separation. He says that he has already put arrangements in place whereby his mother and his sister could share looking after the children when he is not available. My client is effectively self employed and he would not need to turn to his mother and his sister except for short periods during the week. Despite the difficulties that have arisen, he appears to bear little ill will towards his wife and is happy that she have extensive access, particularly when she finally starts dealing with her addiction issues.

My client described in very emotional terms how attached he is to his children and how he is so fearful for the future because he presumes that when he eventually separates from his wife, she will almost certainly get custody. I have to admit that there is this risk. She will almost certainly inform a court that she accepts that she has had problems in the past but she has addressed those problems and everything is now working out and she should not be penalised because of her past addiction issues. Her trump card then will be the fact that she is not working and she can look after the children full time whereas my client is working and cannot look after the children full time. She will say that it is best for these children to be with the mother - even if that mother is not the ideal parent - rather than be with strangers i.e. my client’s mother and his sister.

I have heard too many comments from too many judges over the years to know that she stands a very good chance of succeeding with that argument. “A young child’s place is with their mother” and “a bad mother is better than no mother” are comments I hear far too often.

The bottom line here is that this is wrong. A child does not need a mother. A child needs a loving mother who will care for them and nurture them.

The final point I would make is to reread this commentary and substitute the word ‘mother’ for ‘father’. The father would be presented in court as a lazy, good for nothing addict who is sponging off his wife who is doing her best to make ends meet and provide for the family in almost impossible circumstances. Do you think there is any remote prospect that a judge would say to that mother that these children deserve a father and that a bad father is better than no father and that the bad father should get custody of young vulnerable children?

There are many benefits to being a man in this modern world. Equality with women when it comes to parenting however is not one of them. 


Kevin Brophy
Brophy Solicitors

BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD?

I recently acted for a father, who had not seen his three young children for six months. He was trying to establish access with them. It was absolutely clear that he had the best interests of his children at heart and the reason why he had not seen them was because he had had a falling out with the mother, who was alleging that he was poisoning the children’s minds against their mother. Try as I might, I could not get any evidence of what exactly was said or done to constitute this “poisoning” allegation. When he was represented by his previous solicitor, my client had lost all access to his children and he says he was very unhappy with his legal representation.

I brought the matter back to court and sought access. The main point of this blog however is to comment on the attitude of the Legal Aid Board, who represented the mother. My client knew that re-establishing access would be difficult and would be met with opposition by the mother and therefore we limited our access request to 4 hours a week on Saturdays. We were met with a counter proposal being 1 hour per week on Saturday supervised by a family member and the mother.

I advised my client that he should let a judge decide whether or not this was a reasonable offer of access as I was very firmly of the view that it was not. He was literally terrified that if the case went to a hearing before a judge, he would never see his children again and ultimately he accepted the one-hour offer.

The Legal Aid Board’s job is to represent their clients but like everybody else, they -particularly as a State body - know that all family law cases are supposed to be determined based on the best interest of the child. I have been doing family law cases for 25 years and I think at this stage I know when a father is genuinely committed to his children or not. In this case my client was clearly committed to his children but legal representatives felt that one hour a week with their father represented the best interests of the children.

If ever there was a reason why family law should be kept out of the hands of the majority of lawyers, this is it. I cannot say stay away from lawyers but I will say carefully assess the legal advice you are getting and before you decide to go with a particular solicitor, make absolutely sure that that solicitor genuinely believes that family law cases should be determined by what is felt to be the best interest of the children.